My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
