I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
