and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
