i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
