So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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