i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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