Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
