i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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