So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
