Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
