How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
