I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
