I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
