Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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