Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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