see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
