So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
