She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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