Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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