Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
