There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
