dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
