When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
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BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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