god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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