I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party