can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
