their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Operation Purity has been aborted
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house