these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
