I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
