Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
