if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
