from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
