Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
