So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
