my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
