While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
