not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
