then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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