Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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