we're chasing vodka with high fives
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
