i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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