are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
