Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
