you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is the high leading the old right now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
