My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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