So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
