I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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