Cold hands, warm shart.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
