How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
