I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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