Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
