??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
