This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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