Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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