my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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