FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think your dad took our porno
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
