Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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