Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
