Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
