mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
