PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
