From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
