bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
