i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
