you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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