Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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