He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
