I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
