the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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