so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize