What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
