I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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