Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
