Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize