Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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