remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
