my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
