instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
