I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
