im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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