dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sext me about skeletons
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
