Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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