I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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