well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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