guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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