the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
